Who's in your holiday card photo?

A long-standing tradition for many families is the annual holiday card featuring a fresh family photo. It's a time-honored way to keep in touch with friends and family far and wide and track changes in our lives.

Today, we have a myriad of ways to share our news and stay connected. There's no need to catch everyone up just once a year. Still, many remain loyal to the tradition. The most apparent change from years gone by seems to be our move away from formal portraits showing everyone at their best to more casual and relaxed images revealing family life's realities (and fun).

Whether you follow the tradition or not, I'm sure we can all agree that the holidays are a time when, regardless of which ones we celebrate or even how, family is at the core of it.

But not everyone defines and celebrates family the same way, even if it starts that way.

Everyone has relatives. We all have a family tree and are all descendants of a long line. But not everyone's birth family stays a part of their life forever.

When the haven of a family is missing, we seek it out wherever we can find or create it. Then, that becomes the photo on our card, even if just in our mind.

In childhood, it may happen through the neighborhood or schools we attend. College certainly creates those opportunities. Later in life, people can develop family connections with their work peers. Our churches and other community groups can also help fill some of those gaps. When my oldest granddaughter joined the Navy, she spoke about her new Navy family, beginning with her letters home from boot camp. There was a special relationship even then that remained.

In addition, there are adoptive families, single-parent families, blended families, families with two moms or two dads, and families with grandparents still at the helm. And many more.

In all those different families, one thing remains the same. Familial relationships are more about bonds than birth.

How, then, do we find, recognize, and cultivate those bonds?

Grace is the first thing that comes to mind. The moment we give grace where it may not seem to be deserved, we are opening the door to family. We show grace by giving each other the benefit of the doubt, always assuming the best for and from them.

Respect is another essential part of the bond of family. It is where we learn that we do not always have to agree with each to respect each other. We learn to see that differences are good and something to celebrate. Our differences are, in reality, our uniqueness.

A third aspect of the family bond is trust. It is where we learn to be vulnerable and honest with ourselves and others. We know that we have people in our lives whom we can trust, and that trust us. It doesn't mean that the trust is never broken. It just means that it is valued, and we will always work to protect it. We show grace and forgive others when it is broken, knowing we will, at some point, also need forgiveness.

The best part of it, though, is that you can just be yourself when you are with your family. We are known and still loved. No pretense is required.

These words from Timothy Keller sum it up well:

"To be loved but not known is comforting but superficial. To be known and not loved is our greatest fear. But to be fully known and truly loved is, well, a lot like being loved by God. It is what we need more than anything. It liberates us from pretense, humbles us out of our self-righteousness, and fortifies us for any difficulty life can throw at us."

What comes to mind when you think about family? Who would show up in the photo on your holiday card?

It's going to be different for all of us. But no matter who we include, we all share the same thing in our choices. They are the people where we have a shared history or experiences that created a deep bond. Our family will be found with the people where we have found love and acceptance.

If you are blessed with family this holiday season, honor them, and express your appreciation and love often.

If you are seeking family, remember that the best way to find what we need is to reflect that back into the world.

To experience grace, give grace.

To experience respect, give respect.

To experience trust, give trust.

And, if this season you are missing family you have loved that are now gone, be the things you most loved about them. Be the family to others that they were to you.

To experience family, be family. Give love.