Word Swaps That Can Change Everything!

One of my favorite books I read in 2021 came from Shonda Rhimes. It is a fitting book for us here at Yes I Can Living. The title of the book? A Year of Yes.

But the title is not the most important reason this book is a favorite. It's about what prompted it. It came about because of a conversation between sisters. It may be hard to imagine that someone as accomplished as Ms. Rhimes, would come to be known as the person who said no to everything. But that's what happened. When her sister told her over a family Thanksgiving get-together that she "never says yes to anything," it caught her off-guard and put her off-balance. That's not who she wanted to be.

She then challenged herself to say yes to everything for one year. The book chronicles that year, and it is a scrumptious read. You'll find yourself laughing out loud and, more importantly, be inspired to change your own life by swapping your NO responses with a resounding YES.

As I reflected on the book's message, I thought about all the other conditioned responses we develop over time. We have them. Those default answers we give. We need to examine any responses that have reached the default or habit stage. The reality is that instead of being a healthy boundary, they have become bars on the cages that keep us held in place.

One lesson we've all heard, and hopefully learned, is that if you want to change a habit, you must replace it. Simply saying you will start or stop rarely gets it done. The key is a swap. It's the same with the words we use, as Ms. Rhimes proved.

That brought me to another word choice that I've had conversations with many women about, and it is this:  I'm sorry.

How often do you apologize? Do you find yourself repeatedly leading with the words "I'm sorry" or "I apologize"?

It's just like that NO default. And it needs to change.

Why? Here are three reasons:

• It says we automatically assume responsibility or that we've done something wrong.

• It does not acknowledge the other person in the equation, only us.

• It is so over-used, it has lost any true significance or meaning even if it is genuine.

The automatic apology has joined the ranks of response habits we need to change.

The apology habit is tailor-made for a swap, and the best swap words to use in this case are some of the loveliest in the land: 

Thank you.

Stop saying you're sorry. Start saying thank you.

Those words are always welcome. And saying them impresses upon us and those we interact with the never-ending value of grace and gratitude.

In one article I read, the author credited a conversation with a college professor for bringing about an awareness that her constant apologizing needed to change. She recognized that it had overtaken all her communication with others.

Instead of making her seem polite, thoughtful, even humble, the resulting profile was that she was unassertive, lacked confidence, and at times seemed disingenuous.

Vastly different from the message she wanted to convey.

Like Shonda Rhimes, she experimented with a swap and took on the thank you challenge.

Meister Johannes Eckhart once said that "If the only prayer you ever say in your entire life is thank you, it will be enough."

Our college student, and many others, have found that to be true.

Instead of apologizing for being late, she thanked the person for waiting.

The opening line of being sorry to bother someone changed to thanking them for their help.

She stopped seeing even her own mistakes as a de facto reason to lead with "I'm sorry."

When we move away from a focus on ourselves, even our failures, we allow the other person to recognize we are grateful for them and the chance to interact with them. Thank you is a powerful word swap that accomplishes that.

A sincere apology has its place. But once we drop the apology habit, it can be seen (and received) as entirely genuine.

Two places where we can create a word swap that changes everything!

YES and THANK YOU: Good swap words to adopt as we begin this new year.

And, by the way, don't be surprised that when you do, you start seeing more YES's and THANK YOU's coming back to you as well!