How to be grateful, even when you’re not
Let’s face it. No matter what anyone says, sometimes that glass just feels half empty. We may be able to convince others we’re focused on that silver lining we all talk about. But in our private moments, it can be a challenge to find the good. We’ve all been there. Some of you may even be there now.
Even the most positive among us have faced these moments. It may be from an unspeakable tragedy or a personal betrayal. It might just be a series of days where it seems EVERYTHING is going the opposite way of what we seem to need. Yet, the result is the same.
How do we claim gratitude in those moments, in those times? It’s not always going to be a natural reflexive response.
As I’ve given thought to this, I have found some insights that help.
First, we need to understand gratitude and how it works. It’s not about just saying thank you all the time or never taking off those rose-colored glasses. It’s essentially about perspective. It’s about seeking and finding the good, even (or especially) when the clues are not showing up, and the game is far from fun.
According to philosopher and priest Thomas Aquinas, It’s also about two distinct parts. It’s not just seeing something good. It also recognizes there is a source for that. It’s not as random as we think. Genuine gratitude takes us to the second, not the first. We can say we are thankful for the meal. But genuine gratitude takes us back much farther to the hands that prepared it and even those that had a part in producing the ingredients. How long has it been since we thanked a farmer? Or a ranch owner?
Many studies reveal to us the value of gratitude for our general well-being, relationships, even health. But not as many help us know how to use it as a skillful tool to get those results.
That’s where a gratitude practice can make the difference. It turns a simple response into a way of life. It causes us to pay attention to different things and appreciate everything in our lives, even those things that, on the surface, may not appear to be good in any way. Because, in the end, everything can be and is.
Where then do we begin? How can we put gratitude into practice? Here are a few ideas to help you get started:
Have a gratitude journal or some way or recording moments you find the good. This idea is not about lengthy writing. This activity focuses on seeing good and recording it. I know those that do this with photographs. Others with a writing journal. Even others record it in their own voice. It’s about the moment, but it’s also creating a well to draw from in future moments.
Ask yourself what you take for granted. Figure that out and plan what you will do to change your perspective. We can usually all find at least three things. Is it a relationship? Your home? Your health? Even something as simple as your computer or phone. Imagine waking up tomorrow without it. Power outages always help me with this one! Instead of being agitated with the power being out, choose gratitude for those working hard to get it restored.
Practice transforming an ungrateful thought. Watch for them and choose one or two, and practice. What’s good? What’s possible? That’s a keyword and question. What does this make possible? It can completely change your perspective about something. Did something you were looking forward to get canceled? Are you going to stay focused on what was canceled? Or determine what that cancellation made room for? Did a bill appear you weren’t planning on that stretches the budget? Do you turn to panic or provision? What are your options? Doing this in the small things builds your gratitude muscle.
These are just a few ideas. In the end, it’s about creating a personal gratitude manifesto. We make our lives a living testament to what happens when we appreciate everything and everyone, including ourselves.
I’ve been reading Tommy Newberry’s book, 40 Days to a Joy-Filled Life. He shares his perspective that gratitude has three different dimensions. It is a choice, a feeling, and a capacity. I love the depth of understanding that creates.
In this time when gratitude is on everyone’s minds, let’s all commit to making sure it’s no longer going to be just a holiday. Let’s remember that It’s not about a distant destination. It’s a path we choose to travel every day.
