Are the Holidays Still the Most Wonderful Time of the Year?

For each season of our life, the seasons of the calendar take on very different meanings. Priorities shift along with just about everything else. Those changes can come from various sources, but family is definitely a significant one.

Marriages, divorces, children being born and growing up to leave the nest, and loved ones no longer at the table are just some of those changes.

And those changes can bring challenges when we think about the holidays.

In fact, I think it’s probably safe to say that everyone is facing something they must set aside to enjoy the coming days fully. Even if everything is wonderful for you, you no doubt have friends and family dealing with illnesses, still recovering from losses, and facing worries for their days in all manner of ways. Their challenges and suffering also affect you.

Those impacts can touch every aspect of our celebrations. Where we celebrate, who is there, when we celebrate, everything in the reporter’s notebook of the “W” questions potentially gets a different answer.

In some cases, the changes are just shifts. We don’t miss a celebration. It’s just a different place and time. But in other cases, the changes are more fundamental.

When that’s the case, navigating changes during the holiday season can be especially daunting.

If you find yourself asking how this can ever be the most wonderful time of the year again, these guidelines can help get you to YES:

1.    Recognize and Acknowledge Your Emotions

We can feel a range of emotions around the holidays that will take us from sadness to joy and everything in between. It’s essential to recognize that and acknowledge what you’re feeling without any judgment for yourself or others.

For example, emotions are often a factor when the “nest” changes. The first time I couldn’t celebrate the holidays with my daughter in person was hard. But by acknowledging that without guilt for either of us, we could honor good memories from all the shared times and find new ways to celebrate together.

2.    Set Realistic Expectations

This area can be one of the most challenging parts of change during the holidays. This time of year, we can have increased stress levels due to being overwhelmed and having constraints on resources, particularly time and money. Remembering our core values and using those as our guide can help us set realistic expectations (and boundaries) for ourselves and others.

Expectations also touch on our physical and energetic capabilities. For me, some health constraints meant letting others host family gatherings and significantly reducing the Christmas holiday transformation of my home. The blessing was that I could let go of holiday stress by being realistic about what I could do. In fact, letting those things go was the reason I could enjoy the holiday.

3.    Keep Self-Care a Priority

Calling all caregivers, and that means you! Especially this time of year. You MUST ensure you are not putting yourself on the back burner. Rest, good nutrition, hydration, time for reflection, movement, and anything else that is part of your regular self-care routines. They are NOT optional. Their importance is even higher now because others rely on you more than ever, and you need to ensure you have the reserves to meet a greater demand.

4.    Honor the Old, But Create the New

Traditions are another place where change looms. Those things you “always did as a family” may need to be re-defined. Families grow and scatter. It doesn’t mean you can’t be together, but it might mean the timing and how you connect changes. This is where technology can be a part of how we approach things. It isn’t about NOT holding or honoring the tradition. It’s about allowing it to change.

My Mom, sister, daughter, oldest granddaughter, and I had a tradition of shopping for Christmas together for at least one full day each year. It was our “shop till we drop” day together. We did that for many years. Probably at least a decade. But then my daughter and granddaughter moved to Alaska. Then my Mom joined the angels. And, of course, COVID changed shopping for all of us. But we didn’t let that stop us. We do virtual “shop till we drop” days now and have a great time together.

We honor the old even as we allow for and create the new.

I always think about menus on this one, too. Has someone new joined the family? What’s their favorite dish? It might be time to give everyone a new culinary experience along with that turkey, ham, or other usual fare.

5.    Find Joy in Small Moments

One of my favorite pages to follow on Facebook is Paul Boynton’s Begin With Yes. He spoke to this beautifully a few years ago in a post that moved me so much that I put it in my writer’s journal.

Instead of expecting or looking for that perfect Christmas, keep your eyes and hearts open to those perfect Christmas moments. Quiet acts of generosity, children laughing, an unexpected phone call, a sweet memory of someone who has left that you still love, or just a peaceful walk in the snow humming a Christmas song. Some of these moments you will observe, some you will receive, and some you will create. But if you look, stay open, and step up, there absolutely will be beautiful, even perfect Christmas moments. I wish you a few and promise they await!

My wish for you, no matter how you celebrate this season, is that what you find and create lifts and brings you joy.
I pray that each of us then remembers to share that love and joy - even if it feels as if we’ve none to spare because it is in the giving that we will find what we need.