What Success Really Is In Eighteen Seconds

I recently listened to an interview where the discussion was about how we can protect our children today in a world where it is so hard to manage or even know what they are exposed to.

I expected the answers to be about boundaries, controls, and less access to the digital world, but they weren’t.

The answer and insight was this: If you want to protect your child, raise them to be self-confident.

If a child, or any person for that matter is confident in themselves and who they are, they are not going to be susceptible to the bad actors out there that only wish to bring them harm. It also helps them with those that might mean well but aren’t giving them their best input. It’s essential to their security in every aspect that they know who they are and are confident in themselves.

We can offer encouragement and express our belief in them, of course. But in the end, it’s about how they see themselves and their place in the world around them.

Our belief and words alone aren’t going to spawn that confidence.

But they can help.

It takes specific exchanges and showing up and being a witness to their wins and losses and saying the right words each time for them to grow into their own sense of self.

As I was thinking about this, another conversation came across my feed that was a perfect example of what that might look like.

It is the story of a young girl and her track coach, Frank Dick.

Listen in with me to this bit of magic as shared by Coach Dick:

She was nine years old, and she wanted to run a 100 meters race.

I worked with her for a few weeks, and she showed up for her first race.

She lined up with another seven kids.

On your mark, set, BANG!

She ran down the track and hurled herself at the finish line.

8th out of 8.

In 18 seconds.

She came back, crestfallen.

"Oh Mr. Dick, I was last," she said, her voice reflecting her disappointment.

"No, you weren’t last," I reassured her.

"Yes, I was," she insisted, unable to hide her dismay.

 “No, you were 18 seconds. And in one way, you’re the first," I explained.

 “What do you mean?”

 “You’re the first athlete I’ve ever coached who’s run 18 seconds for the 100 meters.”

 Now listen, in a few weeks’ time, she entered another race.

 What does she think winning is now?

 If she does 17.9 seconds, she’ll grab a flag and she’ll run around the track.

 Because that’s what winning is.

 Winning is being better today than you were yesterday.

 That exchange changed that young girl’s life forever because now she understands what true winning is and how to achieve her personal best, no matter what anyone else might think about it.

How we speak to ourselves, and others matters. Especially our children, which includes our grandchildren or any child we have the privilege to influence.

Following Coach Dick’s example, here are some thoughts about how we can foster confidence where it will count most.

We need to encourage our children to pursue their personal best. This might mean trying a new sport, solving a problem, or making choices about their activities. When things don't go as planned, encourage them to try again rather than stepping in to solve the problem for them. This resilience builds confidence by teaching them that everything is part of learning and growing. Those eighteen seconds were just where she was for that race.

Our praise needs to be genuine and specific. Recognize and praise children for their efforts and persistence rather than just their achievements or innate abilities. I still remember one conversation with my oldest granddaughter where I told her I was proud of her. She then asked me why I was proud of her. The reason mattered more to her than the praise. That level of genuine and specific acknowledgement is what makes it real and memorable.

We need to encourage their interests no matter how small or big they may seem. Being involved in activities that they love and excel in can significantly boost their self-esteem. This young girl wanted to run track. It will be different for all of them and change over time. Encourage them to explore different interests and hobbies and provide opportunities and resources to nurture these passions. It’s crucial to teach them to have an experimental mindset about those interests. We’re explorers first and curiosity is one of their best assets.

One of the things I loved most about Coach Dick’s story was how it set that young girl up for setting goals. Help your child set achievable goals that are appropriate for their age and abilities. Break down larger tasks into smaller, manageable steps that they can accomplish one at a time. Celebrating these small victories can boost their sense of competence. I was reminded recently that the closer the rungs are on a ladder, the easier it is to climb. More rungs = Smaller steps = More confident footing!

It's also important to encourage kids to engage in physical activities that are fun and challenging. Whether it's team sports, dance, martial arts, swimming, or just playing at the park, physical activity can help children feel more capable and confident in their bodies. Physical fear can often be the most challenging to overcome later in life if this is neglected. It also teaches them about teamwork, discipline, and persistence.

I have watched my daughter and granddaughters each blossom from their chosen physical activities of precision dance, competitive cheer, gymnastics, and mountain climbing and diving thrown in for good measure. I have a nephew that has come into his own through playing softball and my niece, his sister, has done that with ballet.

Beyond everything, though, the best way to teach anything is to model it. Model confidence in yourself. Children learn a lot by observing their parents and other adults in their life. Show confidence in your own actions and decisions and talk about your challenges and how you overcame them. Displaying positive self-talk and self-assurance can influence how they perceive their own abilities to handle life’s challenges.

We teach what success is by modeling it. We get better every day than we were the day before. There is no eighth out of eight that is a measure that matters. There is only our personal best each time.

Eighteen seconds is still a win. I’ll never forget this story and the lessons it teaches. For our children and, quite frankly, for us.

What child or children in your life are counting on you to help them achieve their personal best? You might start those conversations by sharing this story with them. I suspect they will remember it as well and possibly have an eighteen second story of their own that you can help them see in a new light. 

"The only person you are destined to become

is the person you decide to be."

Ralph Waldo Emerson

“Never before and never again

will there be one such as you.”

Dawna Markova, PhD.

Co-Creator of Random Acts of Kindness